after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
