Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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