Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your penis caused this!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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