A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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