There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I touched a dick in church today
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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