i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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