I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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