When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
