I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize