Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
