I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
