if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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