does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
