Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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