Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
