shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
