I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
