I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
