We won't sleep together?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
