What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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