When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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