3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
