Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
