and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
