i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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