Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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