My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize