It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
