I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
