walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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