I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
