just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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