The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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