My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
