the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
