I just made out with a guy for $7.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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