Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
