cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My dick has a subreddit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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