were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
