K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize