I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
