Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
