and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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