She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
