i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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