remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
