So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
