this beer tastes like vomit already
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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