I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
