Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
