Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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