how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
