We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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