His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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