it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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