We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
