i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
