My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
