friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
