I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
