Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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