Don't you send me to vm
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
