she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize