he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
