We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
