how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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